I'm on a state of lethargy. DON'T ASK ME WHY. Cos I can't think. Can't think.
Hours of drowsiness, so listless, unenergetic, you name it. At times sleep on the job. What a loathsome piece of pill. A pill six hourly.
Telfast D
&
Dexchlorpheniramine
Good friends are they. Bad friend of mine.
Monday 31 March 2008
Saturday 29 March 2008
A Week So Contented
Call me Altis
Call me Axio
Call me Azura
Call me Sylphy
Call me Camry
Call me Crazy
Are they names? They are! For cars. I've been so crazy over these all-new models! Just got the urge to sit in and drive it off.
Basically for this week, work had hell loaded my every minute. But that's only for duing the office hour period. Haha and you know what? Again, down with flu, on medication, and then up with an MC. For two days. So, that's only Mon, tues, and wed, and the remaining days for the week have been all freed!
So if you think it is about the 3 days of great of workloads, or 4 days of fun and fun, shall you decide. The bottomline is - half empty or half full? =x
On thurs, I went to see the doctor. Nasal system infection. and it's again. So the doc basically said the same thing, wrote the same thing, and gave me the same thing, as last week's visit. N I paid the same fee.
On Fri, went back to office despite the bracck n wihite MC, cos there's lots of things to be completed by then. Worked on the feeling so unusually nappy which i just thought was the effect of the medication. Didn't dose off though, just as I was feeling drowsy, I bounced up and off I went. Who would sleep while walking on the street, and then flagging a bus?
Went back to Hillgrove. So welcoming of these juniors, some (enough alr) got so excited (lol) to witness my sudden appearance and I did not know why. Perhaps, so long since they last seen the graduated seniors. I will visit more often, a promise! (dependent on whether my time promises me) So after Yr arrived, went ahead to visit her. HER. Yes HER. She's married XX years old, she's bright, she can cook, clean, brush, but just fuss and whine. She doesn mind everything, but she minds anything. Felt so much in her slavery for the past years and not much has changed even today. So wanted to step out of the chance to poke a voododoll, and luckily i did step out. Yes, stepped out.
Still clueless? You're just another one.
So if you think it is about the 3 days of great of workloads, or 4 days of fun and fun, shall you decide. The bottomline is - half empty or half full? =x
On thurs, I went to see the doctor. Nasal system infection. and it's again. So the doc basically said the same thing, wrote the same thing, and gave me the same thing, as last week's visit. N I paid the same fee.
On Fri, went back to office despite the bracck n wihite MC, cos there's lots of things to be completed by then. Worked on the feeling so unusually nappy which i just thought was the effect of the medication. Didn't dose off though, just as I was feeling drowsy, I bounced up and off I went. Who would sleep while walking on the street, and then flagging a bus?
Went back to Hillgrove. So welcoming of these juniors, some (enough alr) got so excited (lol) to witness my sudden appearance and I did not know why. Perhaps, so long since they last seen the graduated seniors. I will visit more often, a promise! (dependent on whether my time promises me) So after Yr arrived, went ahead to visit her. HER. Yes HER. She's married XX years old, she's bright, she can cook, clean, brush, but just fuss and whine. She doesn mind everything, but she minds anything. Felt so much in her slavery for the past years and not much has changed even today. So wanted to step out of the chance to poke a voododoll, and luckily i did step out. Yes, stepped out.
Still clueless? You're just another one.
And once again the locker had not been locked for the 4th or 5th times. This time, probably is the nice little ms tan who's currently the key mistress. Haha. I said PROBABLY.
Went to join and played Primetime with band, it was just so fun. More so when witnessing some couple-to-be (or already one) hanky and panky here and there. I play your palm, n you play my thumb. Haha no wonder the rumour! Finally i saw it with my eyes. Right under my, ahem, nose. So being a fanatic for photography naturally I took not just a photo or two, but a video as well!
No offense, no intended disturbance for that matter. For All.
Went to join and played Primetime with band, it was just so fun. More so when witnessing some couple-to-be (or already one) hanky and panky here and there. I play your palm, n you play my thumb. Haha no wonder the rumour! Finally i saw it with my eyes. Right under my, ahem, nose. So being a fanatic for photography naturally I took not just a photo or two, but a video as well!
No offense, no intended disturbance for that matter. For All.
Sorry Gary and Jane if you do not like it, but i just couldn't help even b4 posting this. HAha=x
Viewers' discretions are advised. (LOL)
Viewers' discretions are advised. (LOL)
(video has been removed)
Anyway, ok. It's a saturday and we went to Kallang leisure park!! Overall, not bad, still new. Cos all I could say was only 'oh it's a new mall' and nothing more fancy than that. Small shops were really small, lots of 'mama' shop. Anchor tenants include Kbox, skating rink, cinema, coldstorage, koufu, and bowling. Only these big brothers can draw crowd, however I think they can only attract interest crowds which will die off overtime. For the skating rink, you need to pay $3 (ridiculous) to push open the glass door, why? just to spectate the people in the rink. And it's just like an indonesian batam mall with so poor designs, poor lighting, totally no frill. But the marketing campaign was simply too good for it, so I cannot blame further. That's why I go haha. It's a new mall, yes, cos nobody can say it's not, but I just think the latest addition to the 'kallang construction sites' is just not timely, too. The old stadium is about to be demolished, and all of its surrounding buildings are also slated to be torn down in view to way for rebuilding. So basically for the next three to five years, just around the mall will be a massive construction site. MRT circle line's Stadium station is not ready yet, no transport except for taxis, and bus 11 (so inconvenient). So the four of us took a cab there instead, but each paid only a dollar plus.
However there were few things that caught my special attention to. Firstly, the K box was stuning-ly special, cos it's open concept made it unusual from the other outlets, although I can't find anything else amazing other than that. Second, Koufu has got a theme which blended the place's sports and stadium landmark, and I saw stadium's bench seats in the food court! Maybe third, the cinema could have something else to check out which we didn't. That's all!
Mall Rating: d d d d d d
Kallang Leisure Park's Atrium
K Box! Nice food, nice songs, but a coarse voiced singer (nasal infection caused)
Anyway, ok. It's a saturday and we went to Kallang leisure park!! Overall, not bad, still new. Cos all I could say was only 'oh it's a new mall' and nothing more fancy than that. Small shops were really small, lots of 'mama' shop. Anchor tenants include Kbox, skating rink, cinema, coldstorage, koufu, and bowling. Only these big brothers can draw crowd, however I think they can only attract interest crowds which will die off overtime. For the skating rink, you need to pay $3 (ridiculous) to push open the glass door, why? just to spectate the people in the rink. And it's just like an indonesian batam mall with so poor designs, poor lighting, totally no frill. But the marketing campaign was simply too good for it, so I cannot blame further. That's why I go haha. It's a new mall, yes, cos nobody can say it's not, but I just think the latest addition to the 'kallang construction sites' is just not timely, too. The old stadium is about to be demolished, and all of its surrounding buildings are also slated to be torn down in view to way for rebuilding. So basically for the next three to five years, just around the mall will be a massive construction site. MRT circle line's Stadium station is not ready yet, no transport except for taxis, and bus 11 (so inconvenient). So the four of us took a cab there instead, but each paid only a dollar plus.
However there were few things that caught my special attention to. Firstly, the K box was stuning-ly special, cos it's open concept made it unusual from the other outlets, although I can't find anything else amazing other than that. Second, Koufu has got a theme which blended the place's sports and stadium landmark, and I saw stadium's bench seats in the food court! Maybe third, the cinema could have something else to check out which we didn't. That's all!
Mall Rating: d d d d d d
Kallang Leisure Park's Atrium
K Box! Nice food, nice songs, but a coarse voiced singer (nasal infection caused)
Monday 24 March 2008
New Hairstyle, Somehow
Just went for a haircut yesterday morning cos it's so damn irritating to have the few strands of hair poking into my eyeballs. The already shortsighted couples got even more 'blocked-sighted' just cos of that few chin chows, that's why the RED alert that prompted me for an immediate operation: for the kids on the top. But the usual style of cut always ends up with such endings, so the change. Despite, I felt yet another 'but'. Only to find out there wasn't much of a change.
It is always so illogically but believing-ly nice in the mirror of the stylist's. It only got factual once out, or home. I wonder if there's any trick. Perhaps a treat?
Appointment at 11.30am at Far East. At 11am i was at home, still. But guess what? I arrived there (safely) at 11.40am CCHARP. Hopped onto 307 and then 190, they were fast. The percieved-to-be-lengthy 190 ride turned out to be quicker than the perceived-to-be-quickly 307 journey; the former took only 25mins. Once entered into the highway, it was indeed high, or i felt high; so many posh cars swift their way passed the bendy bus i was on. So much of a visual pleasure! I wonder when will I be the next. Or will I?
Supposedly Wk and Yr would have tagged along too, but HAHA it's ok they overslept. Must be, I guessed. So felt freedom to roam, I went to my dad's office at bugis with a OldCK's yam-pie on hand. Just love it. He has been working from day through the night everyday including sundays and PHs since two months ago, so thought of giving him a surprise. His office is currently under renovation so as an in-charge hence the requirement to supervise. I feel for him, it's so tiring.
And here comes a story of guilt during the journey there. I boarded the train at Orchard stn and at the next, somerset, there entered a malay middle-aged blind man with a stick. Ok, we stood literally heart to heart cos it's just so sardine-ly packed, and off we went to the next stn. At City hall and when I saw he's alighting too, I offered my guidance for his way. Chatted a while, and got to know his past, while waiting for the train. He told me: 'the next train is about 5 - 6mins'. I was stunned when I stared at the dashboard: Nxt Trn: 5mins. Then the kancheong spider me quickly 'inspected' him, out of my curiousity or maybe safety he might be a fakO, to see if he's the mas selamat the wanted man in town, who could possibly 'turned an eye off' as a blind man and bluffed his way through the town. Cos the most dangerous place is the safest yea? Ok, cleared the 'visual custom' and again, we chatted til the next next train arrived cos the previous was too packed and full house. He knew the timing of the train because it was a sunday and usually such timings for the day, Haha.He's got a talking watch! once pressed, a lady will tell him 'it's Two Old Clock now'. It's actually interesting to note, cos i've never seen or hear one.
So what about the guilty part? I actually needed directions from a blind man!!! I... suddenly felt solemn about the guilt. I brought him to parco bugis junction and then when parting, I asked: 'hey which way to sim lim square?'.
He pointed to an exit, and it was right.
Yr just came back from his 'regional tour' at one of the cities in mainland China, as well as two of its SARs (Special Administrative Regions), Macau and Hong Kong. It was fun, he said. So I went on thinking when will it be my turn to be literally out of the country without gahmen (zeng hoo, or parents lah...). Then started discussions with them about our future plans: China? ahh!! Bangkok! nono Ahh Malaysia! Batam! Bintan! And the list went on... and on. At least those small talks didn't bored us off thanks to the portugese egg tarts Yr bought from Macau, and also those boxes of Honey-Honey Biscuits, or Wife Biscuits, or Lao Po Bing. Haha. They were nice... And that naturally set off bulbs of dream bubbles above my head... . . play this!, eat that, WoW!, Nice, good senery!, pretty babes!, and... ... Poke! oh.. Bubble burst. Tomorrow is another Monday. Quickly switch back to working mode! Yet another Monday blue.
But I thought to myself, say NO to monday blues. Had virtually a series of 5-day holiday mood already, and its consecutive, still monday blue? Haha. If so, I'll be out of the ass of the company just so soon! So the moment I stepped into office at 8.20am, off the bell it rang and there I started the marathon of work, work and work, until now till I have the time to BLOG. Suddenly starting to notice the fun of blogging, once again.
Wed is the alternative paper for business law. Please wish me luck. Please, luck.
It is always so illogically but believing-ly nice in the mirror of the stylist's. It only got factual once out, or home. I wonder if there's any trick. Perhaps a treat?
Appointment at 11.30am at Far East. At 11am i was at home, still. But guess what? I arrived there (safely) at 11.40am CCHARP. Hopped onto 307 and then 190, they were fast. The percieved-to-be-lengthy 190 ride turned out to be quicker than the perceived-to-be-quickly 307 journey; the former took only 25mins. Once entered into the highway, it was indeed high, or i felt high; so many posh cars swift their way passed the bendy bus i was on. So much of a visual pleasure! I wonder when will I be the next. Or will I?
Supposedly Wk and Yr would have tagged along too, but HAHA it's ok they overslept. Must be, I guessed. So felt freedom to roam, I went to my dad's office at bugis with a OldCK's yam-pie on hand. Just love it. He has been working from day through the night everyday including sundays and PHs since two months ago, so thought of giving him a surprise. His office is currently under renovation so as an in-charge hence the requirement to supervise. I feel for him, it's so tiring.
And here comes a story of guilt during the journey there. I boarded the train at Orchard stn and at the next, somerset, there entered a malay middle-aged blind man with a stick. Ok, we stood literally heart to heart cos it's just so sardine-ly packed, and off we went to the next stn. At City hall and when I saw he's alighting too, I offered my guidance for his way. Chatted a while, and got to know his past, while waiting for the train. He told me: 'the next train is about 5 - 6mins'. I was stunned when I stared at the dashboard: Nxt Trn: 5mins. Then the kancheong spider me quickly 'inspected' him, out of my curiousity or maybe safety he might be a fakO, to see if he's the mas selamat the wanted man in town, who could possibly 'turned an eye off' as a blind man and bluffed his way through the town. Cos the most dangerous place is the safest yea? Ok, cleared the 'visual custom' and again, we chatted til the next next train arrived cos the previous was too packed and full house. He knew the timing of the train because it was a sunday and usually such timings for the day, Haha.He's got a talking watch! once pressed, a lady will tell him 'it's Two Old Clock now'. It's actually interesting to note, cos i've never seen or hear one.
So what about the guilty part? I actually needed directions from a blind man!!! I... suddenly felt solemn about the guilt. I brought him to parco bugis junction and then when parting, I asked: 'hey which way to sim lim square?'.
He pointed to an exit, and it was right.
Yr just came back from his 'regional tour' at one of the cities in mainland China, as well as two of its SARs (Special Administrative Regions), Macau and Hong Kong. It was fun, he said. So I went on thinking when will it be my turn to be literally out of the country without gahmen (zeng hoo, or parents lah...). Then started discussions with them about our future plans: China? ahh!! Bangkok! nono Ahh Malaysia! Batam! Bintan! And the list went on... and on. At least those small talks didn't bored us off thanks to the portugese egg tarts Yr bought from Macau, and also those boxes of Honey-Honey Biscuits, or Wife Biscuits, or Lao Po Bing. Haha. They were nice... And that naturally set off bulbs of dream bubbles above my head... . . play this!, eat that, WoW!, Nice, good senery!, pretty babes!, and... ... Poke! oh.. Bubble burst. Tomorrow is another Monday. Quickly switch back to working mode! Yet another Monday blue.
But I thought to myself, say NO to monday blues. Had virtually a series of 5-day holiday mood already, and its consecutive, still monday blue? Haha. If so, I'll be out of the ass of the company just so soon! So the moment I stepped into office at 8.20am, off the bell it rang and there I started the marathon of work, work and work, until now till I have the time to BLOG. Suddenly starting to notice the fun of blogging, once again.
Wed is the alternative paper for business law. Please wish me luck. Please, luck.
Ah yong and the foodstuff. lol
Dad's office under renovation (left), and the completed counters and waiting area (right and bottom). Damn nice... Everything's practically new! But hope the staff won't be.
Saturday 22 March 2008
Fire Extinguished
Life's been a little boring in the cyberspace lately. No more of the usual past time anymore. No more editing of the website till late. No more administration stuff, and the list goes on. It is as if all foot prints have been covered up, and nothing's left. Not to say the fossils. Not even their shadows.
But it's ok, at least I'm feeling way lighter now.
Had MC for the past two days (wed, thurs). Nothing serious really happened, just some minor cold. But the whole lot of colleagues in the office caught my runny nose virus too. So I couldn't help but to quarantine myself first, cos i knew i couldn't buy them a cage for their runny noses. So for the past few days, staying at home was killy. So bored. Luckily on Wed nite, got a reason and went out.
Nicholas has gone to Germany that nite, and we went to the airport and saw him off. It was a sad moment, especially at the departure gate, his tears could be seen when he went around hugging his family and relatives. He entered and left us out of sight with just two waves of his hands. Ironically his parents smiled so widely, and his mum said that's because she felt so proud of her son being able to live on his own in a foreign land (probably for an alien time too). How fortunate... I turned green when I got home. I wanted to go too.
Will be back to work come Monday, if not my evaluation will suffer. Have to produce more quality works so to cover my absence.
Hair's getting longer. Going for a haircut tomorrow.
Moodless to blog. So sorry... so sad. cos so bored...
But it's ok, at least I'm feeling way lighter now.
Had MC for the past two days (wed, thurs). Nothing serious really happened, just some minor cold. But the whole lot of colleagues in the office caught my runny nose virus too. So I couldn't help but to quarantine myself first, cos i knew i couldn't buy them a cage for their runny noses. So for the past few days, staying at home was killy. So bored. Luckily on Wed nite, got a reason and went out.
Nicholas has gone to Germany that nite, and we went to the airport and saw him off. It was a sad moment, especially at the departure gate, his tears could be seen when he went around hugging his family and relatives. He entered and left us out of sight with just two waves of his hands. Ironically his parents smiled so widely, and his mum said that's because she felt so proud of her son being able to live on his own in a foreign land (probably for an alien time too). How fortunate... I turned green when I got home. I wanted to go too.
Will be back to work come Monday, if not my evaluation will suffer. Have to produce more quality works so to cover my absence.
Hair's getting longer. Going for a haircut tomorrow.
Moodless to blog. So sorry... so sad. cos so bored...
Tuesday 18 March 2008
Extracted: The Last Post
Came across this very blog that nearly set me teary.
The article below was extracted from military-life, whose source was from the real author, Jeffery (site which denied my entry). Read up this blog after you're done with my bottom part here. See the real Red Dot.
Ladies, perhaps this is an eye opener for you. If you think men are far too fortunate to have Y-chromosomes that we do not have to endure some nature's calls, think again. So what if guys have no menses, pragnancies, and giving birth? Many mandatory things are already enough to let your fathers suffered, or still are suffering, so much.
My Last Post as an NSF
It's 3 45am. I can't sleep. it's 18 Jan 2008. Look up at the top of the page.
Joy to the world.
I'm going to ORD. ROD to be exact.
Anyway, the past few days there had been many flashbacks of my NS days.
On the fine Jaunary morning of 2006,
the 20th 10am,
the Sun was shining, but it never was this gloomy.
I had my farewell dinner with my friends,
the previous night before.
Didn't know what was coming,
wasn't really prepared.
Took my bag and swing it behind my back.
At pasir ris interchange boarding the bus,
straight towards Tekong Ferry Terminal.
With my good friends, no family nobody else.
I sighed.
Bloody Pengiun Express,
took forever to reach the Island.
I was separated from my friends,
ushered into the back of the hall.
Told to scream and shout like a man,
to assure the parents (audience) i'm a grown man.
But my heart felt otherwise.
Entering the theater, i wasn't allowed,
to smile and to wave.
The solemn expressions of my coursemates however,
was hilarious.
We clapped at the appointed time, we took the oath.
Now we are bind to the country and land,
with our lives.
I wondered.
Loyalty to country was the first on the core values,
care for soldiers the last.
Oh how realistic, and the irony that it is even there.
I had a good lunch with my friends for the last time,
waved, smiled and goodbyed them.
They left, walking towards the terminal.
My heart yearns to follow them,
but the sgt pulled and restrain me.
And gave a good whack on our heads.
I teared.
Panic came next,
we were all rushed to collect,
our bloody boots, bags and various items.
It was chaotic, incredible scary,
but strangely fun.
Never in my life,
i heard so many vulgar words,
yelled in a single sentence.
(Self-censor the following please)
Chee bye, chao recruit,
fuck your mother good bye,
I sighed again.
In the bunk I was waiting.
looking at my new found room mates.
staring , unbelievably.
Why a 40year-old man was sitting across,
only to find out he was my age.
I stared.
Down we went to shave our heads,
as the hair lands on the ground,
so did our spirit.
On the hair-missing head,
i rubbed.
Ordered to keep our home clothes,
put on the grey shirt,
black shorts,
Wondering if i'm in jail.
Or hell.Only to realise, it's both.
I prayed.
Fang Quan the smart, Hafiz the buddy
Qing Long the dragon, Andrew the fit,
Kahlid the silent, Jia Jun the handsome,
Alan the fat, Loysius the sad-case,
Ron the monkey, manyiu fellow prayer.
I smiled.
Swinging our arms,
never coordinating,
we were screwed over and over.
Down to the cookhouse,
into the medical centre,
towards the various places,
I marched.
Betrayed by another guy,
the sgt questioned him why he laughed,
he pointed at me,
saying i made a joke.
Gary the sgt asked me to repeat,
or I had to suffer the consquences.
He made me sing.
I sang.
Life was hell much easier,
after I won him over,
with phantom of the Opera.
Never knew choir was of use.
I grinned.
"Who am I?"
Sgt Gary shouted.
"YOU ARE SGT, SGT"I replied.
"Who are you?"
"I am Chao Recruit!"
He smiled.
I pumped.
Cleaning the Rifle,
Going for Route March,
Into the Outfields,
Setting up my bloody Bahsha,
wondering if my sgt will steal my gun,
and if i should ever run.
Into the gym, onto the track,
I ran.
Camo ourselves,
prepare for war,
go touch that tree.
wanted to call,
but no battery.
eating junk food,
getting fat,
sweeping, cleaning never ends.
I yawned.
Something i must share,
Alan stinks.
Real bad,
9 metres his aura,
everyone choked.
We saw him showered only twice,
in the whole BMT course.
First thing i did when i book out,
purchased medical oil.
Whenever I saw him.
I applied.
Before I got my Alvl results,
I fell into depression.
If I were to fail my exams,
at least let me die outside,
with dignity.
I didn't.
Posted out of BMT,
we threw our sgts into the air,
and the bloody PC,
was way too heavy.
Sgt Gary was thrown on to the ground,
he landed with a THUD.
Knock it down he said,
may it be the last.
I pushed.
Failed my MDC audition,
i was lost, didn't know what to do,
I thought I did very well,
but was posted to SAFAC,
as a storeman,
to guard Ammunition.
Looking at my eczema,
i knew i was in trouble.
I knew.
On the 2nd day of course,
i went to report sick with my fellow,
eczemarians, Alvin and loyisus.
the doctor looked at them,told me to go back,
"not serious enough"
I pouted.
finish the course,
mostly by cheating.
They were openly helping us,
because nobody really needs to know,
Ammo to keep them.
I was posted to Glouchester camp with Brendan.
First saw Julian, Lingo and Cheng.
Alex, Alvin and Eric
Louis and Shiqiang.
I laughed.
Opening up the office,
doing duty, cleaning cups,
filing, typing and stoning.
The fun never ends.
It was heaven,
when there were so many breaks,
long hours of lunch.
I really had fun.
But my skin was sensitive to the,
incredible amount of dust.
Neither did Julian's hands,
his mum gave me a bottle of lotion.
i was touched.
My skin grew worse and so did my eyes,
they were red and in pain all the time,
i reported sick until people told me,
my officers were angry.
Maj Adrian especially,
did not let me have my day-off,
when i did all my duties and was entitled.
I was afraid, thus i reduced the number of reporting sick.
I requested for post-out many times,
the officers knew.
they send me Victor, claiming that he was my understudy,
but in the end, he knew more than me.
I couldnt take the stress,the pain was overwhelming.
i went to National Eye Centre,
and the doctors told me i had glaucoma.
I guess that was the steriod eye drops,
given to cope with the dust in the office,
mind you, it's hell lot of dust in the office.
Stepping in and out of the room even made a difference.
The Branch was moving, so off with the documents
We spoilt 3 shredding machines,
trying to clear the office.
Dust was everywhere, and everybody knew.
But no, i was not excused.
I whined.
Sent for counselling,
Mr Keith was my consellor.
He made me laugh, joked around with me,
and told me to go back work.
after all, what's the point?
We cant win the system.
If you have a penis, you serve.
I told him my deepest secret,
trusting him completely.
that my family was bankrupt,
my father in debt and about loan sharks,
about my teacher threatening in school,
about my friends betraying me,
about my hopes and dreams, ambitionsand everything
He nodded, listened.
I trusted.
In December, I woke up.
Blind.
Couldnt see clearly at all,
i went to my eye doctor.
He panicked, telling me that my eye pressure
was dangerously high.
Every hour was significant.
He wrote a letter to the office,
asking them to excuse me from work.
It's an emergency case,
I was so scared. I told Mr Keith.
He quitted the very same day,
made me sign papers to stop counselling,
telling me he will contact me to help me with it,
but i never heard him ever again.
I crumbled.
on Valentine's day,
I was lying on the operation table.
In physcial pain you can't imagine.
Wondering what I did wrong,
how it happened.
The doctors tried to save the better eye,
and move on to the 2nd eye 3 weeks later.
It was excruitating, to be awake,
knowing ur eyeballs are being poked.
Not brave enough to scream,
too scared to jerk and fighting all ur natural instinct,
And in all these pain i could only manage,
I gasped.
I went back to work in May.
But I kept bumping, falling down.
Tripping on everything,
bleeding and cutting myself,
the laughters of others,
the stares of strangers,
the pain of my heart and body,
i had enough.
I question my doctor,
and he told me the truth.
That I will be forever,
visually handicapped.
my world collapsed.
I cried.
At night, i wake my hand violently,
in front of my face,
hoping to see something
hoping the image will form
it never did and never will,
i was afraid of my eye pressure increasing,
i crawled to the toilet, afraid to fall down,
couldn't see.
couldn't tell my parents i was afraid,
couldn't believe this was happening.
Loyalty to country,
the price is too high.
I despaired.
I was sent to the IMH,
i couldnt control my tears.
Why was this happening?
Where did it go wrong?
What did I do?
why me?
Questions that didn't matter,
answers that never answered them.
I am alone, always will be.
It's one thing to lose ur sight at birth,
another in childhood,
the worst just before stepping into adulthood.
Whatever's gonna happen to my family now?
Who will support them?
Am I to sell Tissue? Beg?
Let's be realistic.
Who will employ me?
What about my future?
My dreams, my hopes, my ambition.
Who will love me?
I weeped.
i was in SAVH,
Singapore Association for the visually handicapped.
the white cane pressed into my hands,
it's a slash in my heart.
Knowing that the jeffrey in my memories,
the one who loved his choir,
the one who really want to write a book
the one who loves to draw, sketched peiying's portrait,
the one who was MJ's first soloist, Mj's first gold
the one who had great times with his friends,
the one who was in chinese orchestra playing YangQin,
the one who wanted to read fantasy books of Mercedes Lackey,
the one who had a black belt in karate
the one whom a girl had written a special note to,
the one who made it into industrial design, 30 ppl out of 500
the one who had crushes in school but never had the courage,
the one who wanted to be a broadway singer,
the one who wants to repay his parents, make them happy,
the one who sacrificed all he was worth for his choir,
the one who didn't let anyone else know.
the one who was bullied in school.
the one who believed in life
I died.
In spite of everything,
I knew what I had to do.
I must get what belongs to me,
I cannot stop because of this handicap.
when i fall down, I have to eventually get up.
Lying down there, it's not going to help my suitation.
I need help in my future life,
and since SAF owes me,
i shall make an injury report,
Of course, my officers didn't want me to,
for fear of trouble,
but it is a fact they neglected me,
the MO filing my specialists letters and ask me to go back,
Did I not ask for a post-out? There were 3
Did I not tell them that I am very sensitive to dust? I did.
Be it let it be known to the Media, on the newspaper.
Bringing it to the Court.
I shall be compensated.
To the people who caused it.
I hated.
I celebrated my 21st birthday,
with the real reason as to see my friends once more.
I don't know when my sight will finally give in,
with my 15% of vision field left,
I invited all I could.
I was really touched when 50 of my friends sang me
"Happy Birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to jeffrey,
happy birthday to you."
It meant alot to me.
21st birthday.
huh, i'm really getting old.
thank you my friends,
for letting me see you once more.
I smile and cried.
Now, with the last hour before I go and collect my IC.
I am ending my National Service life with this long post.
No more free medical service,
no more shelter, no more pretense.
I am thrown out in the real world now.
How I am to survive in the challenging world.
The report will take months, even years.
I shall do what's necessary.
But what lies ahead, nobody knows.
I have to be ready.
Looking back at my 21 years,
I grew.
I sighed.
I wondered.
I teared.
I sighed again.
I stared.
I rubbed.
I smiled.
I marched.
I sang.
I grinned.
I pumped.
I ran.
I yawned.
I applied.
I didn't.
I pushed.
I knew.
I pouted.
I laughed.
I whined
I laughed.
I crumbled.
I gasped.
I cried.
I despaired.
I weeped.
I died.
I hated.
I smiled and cried.
I grew.
Have you?
The article below was extracted from military-life, whose source was from the real author, Jeffery (site which denied my entry). Read up this blog after you're done with my bottom part here. See the real Red Dot.
Ladies, perhaps this is an eye opener for you. If you think men are far too fortunate to have Y-chromosomes that we do not have to endure some nature's calls, think again. So what if guys have no menses, pragnancies, and giving birth? Many mandatory things are already enough to let your fathers suffered, or still are suffering, so much.
My Last Post as an NSF
It's 3 45am. I can't sleep. it's 18 Jan 2008. Look up at the top of the page.
Joy to the world.
I'm going to ORD. ROD to be exact.
Anyway, the past few days there had been many flashbacks of my NS days.
On the fine Jaunary morning of 2006,
the 20th 10am,
the Sun was shining, but it never was this gloomy.
I had my farewell dinner with my friends,
the previous night before.
Didn't know what was coming,
wasn't really prepared.
Took my bag and swing it behind my back.
At pasir ris interchange boarding the bus,
straight towards Tekong Ferry Terminal.
With my good friends, no family nobody else.
I sighed.
Bloody Pengiun Express,
took forever to reach the Island.
I was separated from my friends,
ushered into the back of the hall.
Told to scream and shout like a man,
to assure the parents (audience) i'm a grown man.
But my heart felt otherwise.
Entering the theater, i wasn't allowed,
to smile and to wave.
The solemn expressions of my coursemates however,
was hilarious.
We clapped at the appointed time, we took the oath.
Now we are bind to the country and land,
with our lives.
I wondered.
Loyalty to country was the first on the core values,
care for soldiers the last.
Oh how realistic, and the irony that it is even there.
I had a good lunch with my friends for the last time,
waved, smiled and goodbyed them.
They left, walking towards the terminal.
My heart yearns to follow them,
but the sgt pulled and restrain me.
And gave a good whack on our heads.
I teared.
Panic came next,
we were all rushed to collect,
our bloody boots, bags and various items.
It was chaotic, incredible scary,
but strangely fun.
Never in my life,
i heard so many vulgar words,
yelled in a single sentence.
(Self-censor the following please)
Chee bye, chao recruit,
fuck your mother good bye,
I sighed again.
In the bunk I was waiting.
looking at my new found room mates.
staring , unbelievably.
Why a 40year-old man was sitting across,
only to find out he was my age.
I stared.
Down we went to shave our heads,
as the hair lands on the ground,
so did our spirit.
On the hair-missing head,
i rubbed.
Ordered to keep our home clothes,
put on the grey shirt,
black shorts,
Wondering if i'm in jail.
Or hell.Only to realise, it's both.
I prayed.
Fang Quan the smart, Hafiz the buddy
Qing Long the dragon, Andrew the fit,
Kahlid the silent, Jia Jun the handsome,
Alan the fat, Loysius the sad-case,
Ron the monkey, manyiu fellow prayer.
I smiled.
Swinging our arms,
never coordinating,
we were screwed over and over.
Down to the cookhouse,
into the medical centre,
towards the various places,
I marched.
Betrayed by another guy,
the sgt questioned him why he laughed,
he pointed at me,
saying i made a joke.
Gary the sgt asked me to repeat,
or I had to suffer the consquences.
He made me sing.
I sang.
Life was hell much easier,
after I won him over,
with phantom of the Opera.
Never knew choir was of use.
I grinned.
"Who am I?"
Sgt Gary shouted.
"YOU ARE SGT, SGT"I replied.
"Who are you?"
"I am Chao Recruit!"
He smiled.
I pumped.
Cleaning the Rifle,
Going for Route March,
Into the Outfields,
Setting up my bloody Bahsha,
wondering if my sgt will steal my gun,
and if i should ever run.
Into the gym, onto the track,
I ran.
Camo ourselves,
prepare for war,
go touch that tree.
wanted to call,
but no battery.
eating junk food,
getting fat,
sweeping, cleaning never ends.
I yawned.
Something i must share,
Alan stinks.
Real bad,
9 metres his aura,
everyone choked.
We saw him showered only twice,
in the whole BMT course.
First thing i did when i book out,
purchased medical oil.
Whenever I saw him.
I applied.
Before I got my Alvl results,
I fell into depression.
If I were to fail my exams,
at least let me die outside,
with dignity.
I didn't.
Posted out of BMT,
we threw our sgts into the air,
and the bloody PC,
was way too heavy.
Sgt Gary was thrown on to the ground,
he landed with a THUD.
Knock it down he said,
may it be the last.
I pushed.
Failed my MDC audition,
i was lost, didn't know what to do,
I thought I did very well,
but was posted to SAFAC,
as a storeman,
to guard Ammunition.
Looking at my eczema,
i knew i was in trouble.
I knew.
On the 2nd day of course,
i went to report sick with my fellow,
eczemarians, Alvin and loyisus.
the doctor looked at them,told me to go back,
"not serious enough"
I pouted.
finish the course,
mostly by cheating.
They were openly helping us,
because nobody really needs to know,
Ammo to keep them.
I was posted to Glouchester camp with Brendan.
First saw Julian, Lingo and Cheng.
Alex, Alvin and Eric
Louis and Shiqiang.
I laughed.
Opening up the office,
doing duty, cleaning cups,
filing, typing and stoning.
The fun never ends.
It was heaven,
when there were so many breaks,
long hours of lunch.
I really had fun.
But my skin was sensitive to the,
incredible amount of dust.
Neither did Julian's hands,
his mum gave me a bottle of lotion.
i was touched.
My skin grew worse and so did my eyes,
they were red and in pain all the time,
i reported sick until people told me,
my officers were angry.
Maj Adrian especially,
did not let me have my day-off,
when i did all my duties and was entitled.
I was afraid, thus i reduced the number of reporting sick.
I requested for post-out many times,
the officers knew.
they send me Victor, claiming that he was my understudy,
but in the end, he knew more than me.
I couldnt take the stress,the pain was overwhelming.
i went to National Eye Centre,
and the doctors told me i had glaucoma.
I guess that was the steriod eye drops,
given to cope with the dust in the office,
mind you, it's hell lot of dust in the office.
Stepping in and out of the room even made a difference.
The Branch was moving, so off with the documents
We spoilt 3 shredding machines,
trying to clear the office.
Dust was everywhere, and everybody knew.
But no, i was not excused.
I whined.
Sent for counselling,
Mr Keith was my consellor.
He made me laugh, joked around with me,
and told me to go back work.
after all, what's the point?
We cant win the system.
If you have a penis, you serve.
I told him my deepest secret,
trusting him completely.
that my family was bankrupt,
my father in debt and about loan sharks,
about my teacher threatening in school,
about my friends betraying me,
about my hopes and dreams, ambitionsand everything
He nodded, listened.
I trusted.
In December, I woke up.
Blind.
Couldnt see clearly at all,
i went to my eye doctor.
He panicked, telling me that my eye pressure
was dangerously high.
Every hour was significant.
He wrote a letter to the office,
asking them to excuse me from work.
It's an emergency case,
I was so scared. I told Mr Keith.
He quitted the very same day,
made me sign papers to stop counselling,
telling me he will contact me to help me with it,
but i never heard him ever again.
I crumbled.
on Valentine's day,
I was lying on the operation table.
In physcial pain you can't imagine.
Wondering what I did wrong,
how it happened.
The doctors tried to save the better eye,
and move on to the 2nd eye 3 weeks later.
It was excruitating, to be awake,
knowing ur eyeballs are being poked.
Not brave enough to scream,
too scared to jerk and fighting all ur natural instinct,
And in all these pain i could only manage,
I gasped.
I went back to work in May.
But I kept bumping, falling down.
Tripping on everything,
bleeding and cutting myself,
the laughters of others,
the stares of strangers,
the pain of my heart and body,
i had enough.
I question my doctor,
and he told me the truth.
That I will be forever,
visually handicapped.
my world collapsed.
I cried.
At night, i wake my hand violently,
in front of my face,
hoping to see something
hoping the image will form
it never did and never will,
i was afraid of my eye pressure increasing,
i crawled to the toilet, afraid to fall down,
couldn't see.
couldn't tell my parents i was afraid,
couldn't believe this was happening.
Loyalty to country,
the price is too high.
I despaired.
I was sent to the IMH,
i couldnt control my tears.
Why was this happening?
Where did it go wrong?
What did I do?
why me?
Questions that didn't matter,
answers that never answered them.
I am alone, always will be.
It's one thing to lose ur sight at birth,
another in childhood,
the worst just before stepping into adulthood.
Whatever's gonna happen to my family now?
Who will support them?
Am I to sell Tissue? Beg?
Let's be realistic.
Who will employ me?
What about my future?
My dreams, my hopes, my ambition.
Who will love me?
I weeped.
i was in SAVH,
Singapore Association for the visually handicapped.
the white cane pressed into my hands,
it's a slash in my heart.
Knowing that the jeffrey in my memories,
the one who loved his choir,
the one who really want to write a book
the one who loves to draw, sketched peiying's portrait,
the one who was MJ's first soloist, Mj's first gold
the one who had great times with his friends,
the one who was in chinese orchestra playing YangQin,
the one who wanted to read fantasy books of Mercedes Lackey,
the one who had a black belt in karate
the one whom a girl had written a special note to,
the one who made it into industrial design, 30 ppl out of 500
the one who had crushes in school but never had the courage,
the one who wanted to be a broadway singer,
the one who wants to repay his parents, make them happy,
the one who sacrificed all he was worth for his choir,
the one who didn't let anyone else know.
the one who was bullied in school.
the one who believed in life
I died.
In spite of everything,
I knew what I had to do.
I must get what belongs to me,
I cannot stop because of this handicap.
when i fall down, I have to eventually get up.
Lying down there, it's not going to help my suitation.
I need help in my future life,
and since SAF owes me,
i shall make an injury report,
Of course, my officers didn't want me to,
for fear of trouble,
but it is a fact they neglected me,
the MO filing my specialists letters and ask me to go back,
Did I not ask for a post-out? There were 3
Did I not tell them that I am very sensitive to dust? I did.
Be it let it be known to the Media, on the newspaper.
Bringing it to the Court.
I shall be compensated.
To the people who caused it.
I hated.
I celebrated my 21st birthday,
with the real reason as to see my friends once more.
I don't know when my sight will finally give in,
with my 15% of vision field left,
I invited all I could.
I was really touched when 50 of my friends sang me
"Happy Birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to jeffrey,
happy birthday to you."
It meant alot to me.
21st birthday.
huh, i'm really getting old.
thank you my friends,
for letting me see you once more.
I smile and cried.
Now, with the last hour before I go and collect my IC.
I am ending my National Service life with this long post.
No more free medical service,
no more shelter, no more pretense.
I am thrown out in the real world now.
How I am to survive in the challenging world.
The report will take months, even years.
I shall do what's necessary.
But what lies ahead, nobody knows.
I have to be ready.
Looking back at my 21 years,
I grew.
I sighed.
I wondered.
I teared.
I sighed again.
I stared.
I rubbed.
I smiled.
I marched.
I sang.
I grinned.
I pumped.
I ran.
I yawned.
I applied.
I didn't.
I pushed.
I knew.
I pouted.
I laughed.
I whined
I laughed.
I crumbled.
I gasped.
I cried.
I despaired.
I weeped.
I died.
I hated.
I smiled and cried.
I grew.
Have you?
Thursday 13 March 2008
One Man and A Thousand Others
Had been such a
SUPER DUPER
BIG Fat
Bad
LEADER AND AN
ARSEHOLE
Nothing speaks more than the word 'sorry'. And sorry seems to be the real, real hardest word. A bad start, a worse midway, and the worst ending. The Japanese would slashed themselves in the stomach for not being a good leader.
What the hell have I done?!??!? What am I doing!! Is it what I wanted???
I need a mirror. but it cant speak. Can someone, tell me what's wrong. Please... I ought to be shot. In any way. It does greatly help!
It has closed. If you however have been thinking what you're always thinking since your awareness to the closure, then download the gift. It is always till the death of someone tears start to roll, news start to spread, and feelings grow. Get upright and read down through the bottom and what it really means will emerge. Who will want to see tears at a funeral when none of it had been seen even before Christ, anyway. So why the uproar. Passion would have shown but few, at least to the eyes of many. One who walked right out midway through should spare no moment for any word, nor any cheek to be teary, and just room for remourse, whilest words of gratitude alongside apology were made. Blame no one but heaven or earth, for the powerless jabs we all keep. And You. We felt far powerless because you were far powerful. We may be nothing, we may be uncalled for, but by far we knew there was no deed we've done too humble for your praises, even to a small, tiny you. No gift was too trivial to please you too. Now that we're done, we're off. Blame no one, but yourself. To your freedom, and good luck.
Till then, once again. No more.
AHCB's Farewell Retreat
AHCB people, just something here for you as a 'thank you' gesture, we'll hold a BBQ in APRIL 08 (Next Month). Venue can be at West Coast, Labrador, East Coast, my house, costa sands chalet or changi point beach. Please choose ya? I'll cover all the costs other than your personal expenses.
Sure Must Come: Yong Ren, Daphne, Fang Qing, Wei Da, Weng Kin, Sylvia, Yeow Chong, and Daniel. Bring along your siblings or 2 friends. More will be invited...
And it feels really really bad this way. At least I feel the human way, too.
Wednesday 5 March 2008
Back From The Bush
So... I'm back!! So what about the fuckingly no life? Gone long ago.. haha. back from a struggle. long time nv post already, so expect some fotos! Basically, work, work, and work. there's no any other thingy for me anyway. Working at SFI is really fun, especially with these people around haa! like... sue sze raine etc. and christine! supervisor. fun-loving lady, easy going; respect.
The gatsby song greeted me every morning and at times i got up at will. otherwise, i would dread my soul to office, and that's when i would doze off, and wake up whenever i sense someone giggling (probably at me). Work is fun, once again, and occasional lunches outside with these colleagues could make my day. They drive real cars! Christina drives a Sunny, ashlyn drives a mazda 3, raine, a toyota Axio. The axio has reverse cam! so cool ok. no need use mirror at all. AT ALL!!!.
Comes to driving, it was my 3rd drving lesson last week. It was evening which was also rush hour, and i was innitially afraid about the demanding traffic. But! I could chit chat with the instructor, just like driving him around. HAHA!!! (or probably teaching him how)
sigh. complacency sets in again. do you even know? i cant always feel it. it's always such attitude that fails me, in everything that failed. I think i've failed in more things than that of successes. Don't know why, i have been feeling sorry for almost everything, everyone in life. No blames but only regrets, hopeful for reverts, and hopeless by feeling remourse. Probably that's why 'fuckingly no life'. Sometimes hiding in a virtual corner would feel better but i'm not going to let myself do it, or let myself down. The usual day in day out, every little action dictates my senses which is fully visible to any other people, and i'm so aware. Yes, awareness. Everything you feel about me, I'm much more aware than you thought. But how to kill it is and will remain a question, and has been remained for long. How much longer remains another question too.
My rollercoaster came to the trough. Sad huh? But at times, occasional surprises can't make my day but so much more. So surprised to see jage's comment here, and felicia's too! Thanks muahaha! thanks felicia for the words so encouraging. haven seen jage for so long, and he went off to france without even a note. haa! really missed those days during year 1 when most people were fun. nicholas will be heading to Germany soon, too. CNY's dinner at your house was more than fun, and thanks for all the nice food. no more of 'better friends' in the class anymore and it'll be a sad and lonely day ahead. not much of a difference anyway, though, and acustom is the right word to use. no any other surprises can fit their intended purposes anymore because surprises shouldn't be awaited, otherwise it'd be no thrill but of disappointment. Ya?
And having said so much i wonder if you're not thirsty for, say, colours?? photos!
Working in SFI (sg food industries ltd) for so long already, 4th week, i haven post anything yet. now, having woke up, i'm ready to introduce u to my life from day one. everyday 8.30 to 6.30 and it's 10 straight hours. But luckily as expected there is a personal desk large enough for 10 laptops. Basically doing chapbalang jobs. such jobs are only limited in edition cos only when those colleagues need assistance we're then busy. so whenever free, internet is the time killer. did many work, seen many things, etc etc. That's why 10 hours in the office yet i did not grumble about the boredom, but at least for now only. 3 more days. three. then i'll see the reactions. either too much, or not any. =)
I think i'm tired. Headache, or construction site above, is killing me yet another round. I brought into office one bio air cleaner and a ionizer and they help by cleaning the air. But i'm clueless why i'm still getting headache. hmm. perhaps the stong WiFi signal..
Came across many interesting websites like wanderingscribe, local student blog, sometimes updating friendster, and found that shi jia wished me a happy birthday. so surprise. hwee kwang and edwin too. updated the profile quite some bit.
Hey I'm getting bored blogging!! no more pictures, no more, no more dah. sigh headache is killling. time now is 6pm. knocking off soon. i'm going to harbourfront for a dinner with my china relatives straight after this. i've brought them to places since their day 1 and i'm getting not much of sleep. Oh! maybe that's the reason. (construction site on top). LOL
The gatsby song greeted me every morning and at times i got up at will. otherwise, i would dread my soul to office, and that's when i would doze off, and wake up whenever i sense someone giggling (probably at me). Work is fun, once again, and occasional lunches outside with these colleagues could make my day. They drive real cars! Christina drives a Sunny, ashlyn drives a mazda 3, raine, a toyota Axio. The axio has reverse cam! so cool ok. no need use mirror at all. AT ALL!!!.
Comes to driving, it was my 3rd drving lesson last week. It was evening which was also rush hour, and i was innitially afraid about the demanding traffic. But! I could chit chat with the instructor, just like driving him around. HAHA!!! (or probably teaching him how)
sigh. complacency sets in again. do you even know? i cant always feel it. it's always such attitude that fails me, in everything that failed. I think i've failed in more things than that of successes. Don't know why, i have been feeling sorry for almost everything, everyone in life. No blames but only regrets, hopeful for reverts, and hopeless by feeling remourse. Probably that's why 'fuckingly no life'. Sometimes hiding in a virtual corner would feel better but i'm not going to let myself do it, or let myself down. The usual day in day out, every little action dictates my senses which is fully visible to any other people, and i'm so aware. Yes, awareness. Everything you feel about me, I'm much more aware than you thought. But how to kill it is and will remain a question, and has been remained for long. How much longer remains another question too.
My rollercoaster came to the trough. Sad huh? But at times, occasional surprises can't make my day but so much more. So surprised to see jage's comment here, and felicia's too! Thanks muahaha! thanks felicia for the words so encouraging. haven seen jage for so long, and he went off to france without even a note. haa! really missed those days during year 1 when most people were fun. nicholas will be heading to Germany soon, too. CNY's dinner at your house was more than fun, and thanks for all the nice food. no more of 'better friends' in the class anymore and it'll be a sad and lonely day ahead. not much of a difference anyway, though, and acustom is the right word to use. no any other surprises can fit their intended purposes anymore because surprises shouldn't be awaited, otherwise it'd be no thrill but of disappointment. Ya?
And having said so much i wonder if you're not thirsty for, say, colours?? photos!
Working in SFI (sg food industries ltd) for so long already, 4th week, i haven post anything yet. now, having woke up, i'm ready to introduce u to my life from day one. everyday 8.30 to 6.30 and it's 10 straight hours. But luckily as expected there is a personal desk large enough for 10 laptops. Basically doing chapbalang jobs. such jobs are only limited in edition cos only when those colleagues need assistance we're then busy. so whenever free, internet is the time killer. did many work, seen many things, etc etc. That's why 10 hours in the office yet i did not grumble about the boredom, but at least for now only. 3 more days. three. then i'll see the reactions. either too much, or not any. =)
I think i'm tired. Headache, or construction site above, is killing me yet another round. I brought into office one bio air cleaner and a ionizer and they help by cleaning the air. But i'm clueless why i'm still getting headache. hmm. perhaps the stong WiFi signal..
Came across many interesting websites like wanderingscribe, local student blog, sometimes updating friendster, and found that shi jia wished me a happy birthday. so surprise. hwee kwang and edwin too. updated the profile quite some bit.
Hey I'm getting bored blogging!! no more pictures, no more, no more dah. sigh headache is killling. time now is 6pm. knocking off soon. i'm going to harbourfront for a dinner with my china relatives straight after this. i've brought them to places since their day 1 and i'm getting not much of sleep. Oh! maybe that's the reason. (construction site on top). LOL
it's pay day
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